Most. Unromantic. Jew. EVER.
Posted by Oyster on February 15, 2007
Oyster doesn’t know when to shut up, and thus secures his single status for eternity.
I am a Valentine’s Day grouch. I don’t like the holiday. For several reasons. Mainly, because I am a Jew, and this is a Christian holiday.
But Oyster, we’re just celebrating it as a secular day of love!
That might be true, but there’s also a Jewish day of love, called Tu B’Av (not to be confused with Tisha B’Av). The fact that so many Jews deign to celebrate the Christian holiday, and not the Jewish one smacks of assimilation / apologetics.
Secondly, I am literally ‘unromantic’. Why? The term ‘romance’ comes from a medieval nostalgic view of the Roman Empire. And while Western Civilization in general fawns over their Roman legacy, we Jews come from a different civilization. One that was almost crushed by the Romans. So I don’t find the term endearing or flattering.
Furthermore, what is the true story behind St. Valentine’s Day? Truth be told, even the Catholics aren’t quite sure. In fact, they removed the Feast of Saint Valentine from their church calendar during the Second Vatican Council in 1969, because they believe that the stories around Valentine are purely myth. If the holiday isn’t kosher enough for the Catholics, it sure ain’t kosher for me.
And finally, a real downer: 2,000 Jews martyred for their faith in Strausbourg, France, on February 14th, 1349. Burned to death in a Jewish cemetery for “host desecration”, or “ritual murder”, or some other Christian dementia. Awww shucks. Real Roman-tic of you guys! You shouldn’t have. No really, you shouldn’t have! Rot in Hell!
And I won’t even go into the corporate Hallmark commoditization of the holiday. That’s a whole ‘nother post!
As for the perceptive reader, the above is not a “Jewish Valentine’s Day card” of any sort. But rather, it’s a traditional New Year’s card; Jewish New Years. Work with me people, work with me! Rosh HaShana, ring a bell? That’s an appropriate time to send your Jewish crush some lovin’. That, and on Tu B’Av.
Now that all of that is off my chest, I’ll just get ready to entertain my cats for the rest of my life.
P.S.- Looks like some Very Hot Jews ™ from LA also agree with my sentiments. If I’ve neglected to pimp them on Oy Bay thus far, then consider yourselves pimped.
P. P. S. – And who is Oyster’s Valentine? Why, Antisemitic nut-job Friedrich Braun, of course! I don’t want to run and hide from you, I’m your Jewy love-worm!